A propos of nothing, an absurd email to the Gang of Four

(... from my sent mail file... the thread of conversation actually involved a bicycle outing and a pride parade... none of which really leads to any of this, which, I suppose, means all of this is no one's fault but mine...)

I want to see a John Waters/John Woo coproduction. We could call it 'Divine Ninjas'. I see transvestite ninjas with massive bouffant hairsprayed coiffures battling each other in the streets of Balti... [fzzzzt]

So sorry. Blew out my absurd juxtaposition module... A moment please while I execute repairs...

[sound of air wrench loosening bolts, followed by hacksaw, chainsaw, then a ukelele]

All done.

Moving on, in the movie I'm always writing in my head, there are no ninjas. But there *is* a gang made up of great, scary, sinister organized crime types from former Eastern-bloc countries. There are many internal tensions within the gang, and eventually they get into this massive firefight with each other in a postage sorting plant they're ransacking for bearer bonds. In a climactic battle, the master of one of the rival factions, one Viktor Havel, is vanquished by his foe, and falls from a catwalk in time-honoured action film slo-mo into a massive pile of envelopes.

"Vhere is Viktor?" demands his frustrated arch-nemesis, who comes in a moment too late, missing his chance at revenge. "Vhere is the Butcher of Plzen!?"

"The Czech," replies a henchman, "is in the mail."