Do you have what it takes to be president?
Yeah yeah, I could probably spend my time more wisely than this.
Anyway, this is the 'can you be president' quiz. Please answer the skill testing questions, so we may assess your suitability for the highest office in the land (it's hard work, ya know)...
1. The legal blood alcohol limit in Maine is:
a) 0.10
b) 0.12
c) Irrelevant if you go on long enough about how much ya love Jaysus.
2. The correct pronunciation of 'nuclear' is:
a) noo' kyoo-lur
b) nu' klee-ur
c) Now watch this drive.
3. What does the term 'nuclear' mean?
a) Something to do with families. So good.
b) Something to do with Iraq (honest). So bad.
c) Okay, something to do with North Korea. But nothing to worry about.
d) Something to do with stem cells. Bad. I think.
4.
The objects in the photo above are:
a) thingies with which to make uranium centrifuges.
b) thingies with which to make artillery pieces.
c) a useable pretext for war, as long as none of you idiots ever mentions to the Times that we know very well they probably have nothing to do with nukes.
d) big aluminum straws, probably bitchin' for suckin' up blow.
5. Which of the following people is reputed to be a key figure in the financing of and high level strategic decision-making for the Al Qaeda terrorist network:
a)
b)
c)
6. Which of the following is the current defense secretary to the president of the USA?
a)
b)
c)
7. Which of the following symptoms match those of the victims of the gas attack on Halabja?
a) victims dropped dead.
b) victims coughed up green vomit, then dropped dead.
c) victims' skin burned and blistered agonizingly, their eyes burned, they went blind, and then they dropped dead.
d) victims convulsed, shivered violently, acted as if deranged, stumbling about laughing hysterically, and then dropped dead.
e) victims suffered long-term crippling effects, including permanent blindness, disfigurement, respiratory, digestive, and neurological disorders, leukemia, lymphoma, and colon, breast, lung, skin, and other cancers, increased miscarriages and infertility, severe congenital malformations and other birth defects.
f) all of the above.
8. Which of the following, in response to the US senate's 1988 "Prevention of Genocide Act", meant to impose sanctions on Iraq, in the wake of Halabja, vetoed the bill?
a) Some Frenchified flip-flopping Al Qaeda sympathizer.
b) Some Neville Chamberlain-style appeaser.
c) Daddy's boss at the time--a senile old B-movie actor called Reagan.
9. When intelligence began to arrive that Iraq was making indiscriminate use of chemical weapons against the Kurds and the Iranians, Reagan, Daddy and their administrations--members of which are still prominent in the current administration--reacted by
a) sending Iraq more aid.
b) attempting to suppress and discredit reports concerning these events.
c) sending the Baath regime technical assistance and strategic advice for the prosecution of their war with Iran.
d) frustrating attempts at the UN to censure the regime.
e) all of the above.
10. Complete this sentence. 'He gassed his own people ___'
a) With our help.
11. Which of the following did your 'favourite philosopher' Jesus Christ say?
a) Let them hate, so long as they fear.
b) In the big lie, there is always a certain force of credibility.
c) Trick question. Wrong favourite philosopher.
d) The poor will always be with us--or at least, that's our domestic policy.
12. The US, __, the UK, and the Solomon Islands. Which one did we forget?
a) Poland
b) Slovakia
c) Micronesia
d) did we already mention the Solomon Islands?
13. You're the governor of Texas. You've just found out through your diligent review of the file of a man about to be executed that he had dreadfully incompetent legal representation, and may have been railroaded. You would like to call the death chamber guard to commute his sentence to imprisonment, thereby allowing an opportunity for appeal, and the only available phone is a pay phone. You have only your IQ in change. Do you have enough to make the call?
a) Yes.
b) Whuh?
c) It's irrelevant. It's not as if I'm gonna know that phone number anyway.
d) Do I have enough to play the VLT?
14. A small group of East European terrorists kills several dozen people with a homemade bomb detonated in a NYC subway, in an attempt to coerce your government to cut off assistance to their government, which they say frustrates their efforts toward self-determination. Reputable humans rights organizations do feel the ethnic group they represent is severely persecuted in the country in question--this persecution involves torture, extrajudicial executions, forced relocation, and uncompensated appropriation of property. Which of the following is a sensible foreign policy response:
a) Demand from any and all foreign governments that any and all suspected conspirators against which you can find reasonable grounds for charges be extradicted to stand trial, and make a public statement to the effect that such measures are not the way to negotiate with yours or any government.
b) Do the above, speak to the grief of the victims, but speak publicly and sympathetically also to the question of the human rights violations committed by the foreign government in question, and suggest that, while it is now inappropriate for your government to get involved in such talks, you do hope a deal can be worked out between legitimate, non-violent representatives of the persecuted minority and their government.
c) Direct intelligence services to more aggressively infiltrate and/or investigate organizations believed to have been involved in the attack. Use available intelligence to notify border guards of potentially dangerous travelers.
d) Attack Iraq.
15. A small group of members of an apocalyptic Japanese cult detonates a device which spreads nerve gas through the NYC subway, killing several hundred people. Which of the following is the sensible response:
a) Demand from any and all foreign governments that any and all suspected conspirators against which you can find reasonable grounds for charges be extradicted to stand trial, and demand full cooperation from the Japanese government in aggressively investigating the involvement of the cult itself in this atrocity.
b) Do the above, and use intelligence sources to more aggressively investigate the cult. Put potentially dangerous travelers on a watch list, and notify border guards.
c) Arrest family members of Japanese persons vaguely associated with cult members, and hold them in an offshore compound for a year or so without charging them.
d) Attack Iraq.
Good luck. But no, we're not gonna actually read the answers. We're probably just gonna vote for the guy who says 'vote for me or the terrorists will get ya'. But thanks for coming out, anyway.
Anyway, this is the 'can you be president' quiz. Please answer the skill testing questions, so we may assess your suitability for the highest office in the land (it's hard work, ya know)...
1. The legal blood alcohol limit in Maine is:
a) 0.10
b) 0.12
c) Irrelevant if you go on long enough about how much ya love Jaysus.
2. The correct pronunciation of 'nuclear' is:
a) noo' kyoo-lur
b) nu' klee-ur
c) Now watch this drive.
3. What does the term 'nuclear' mean?
a) Something to do with families. So good.
b) Something to do with Iraq (honest). So bad.
c) Okay, something to do with North Korea. But nothing to worry about.
d) Something to do with stem cells. Bad. I think.
4.
The objects in the photo above are:
a) thingies with which to make uranium centrifuges.
b) thingies with which to make artillery pieces.
c) a useable pretext for war, as long as none of you idiots ever mentions to the Times that we know very well they probably have nothing to do with nukes.
d) big aluminum straws, probably bitchin' for suckin' up blow.
5. Which of the following people is reputed to be a key figure in the financing of and high level strategic decision-making for the Al Qaeda terrorist network:
a)
b)
c)
6. Which of the following is the current defense secretary to the president of the USA?
a)
b)
c)
7. Which of the following symptoms match those of the victims of the gas attack on Halabja?
a) victims dropped dead.
b) victims coughed up green vomit, then dropped dead.
c) victims' skin burned and blistered agonizingly, their eyes burned, they went blind, and then they dropped dead.
d) victims convulsed, shivered violently, acted as if deranged, stumbling about laughing hysterically, and then dropped dead.
e) victims suffered long-term crippling effects, including permanent blindness, disfigurement, respiratory, digestive, and neurological disorders, leukemia, lymphoma, and colon, breast, lung, skin, and other cancers, increased miscarriages and infertility, severe congenital malformations and other birth defects.
f) all of the above.
8. Which of the following, in response to the US senate's 1988 "Prevention of Genocide Act", meant to impose sanctions on Iraq, in the wake of Halabja, vetoed the bill?
a) Some Frenchified flip-flopping Al Qaeda sympathizer.
b) Some Neville Chamberlain-style appeaser.
c) Daddy's boss at the time--a senile old B-movie actor called Reagan.
9. When intelligence began to arrive that Iraq was making indiscriminate use of chemical weapons against the Kurds and the Iranians, Reagan, Daddy and their administrations--members of which are still prominent in the current administration--reacted by
a) sending Iraq more aid.
b) attempting to suppress and discredit reports concerning these events.
c) sending the Baath regime technical assistance and strategic advice for the prosecution of their war with Iran.
d) frustrating attempts at the UN to censure the regime.
e) all of the above.
10. Complete this sentence. 'He gassed his own people ___'
a) With our help.
11. Which of the following did your 'favourite philosopher' Jesus Christ say?
a) Let them hate, so long as they fear.
b) In the big lie, there is always a certain force of credibility.
c) Trick question. Wrong favourite philosopher.
d) The poor will always be with us--or at least, that's our domestic policy.
12. The US, __, the UK, and the Solomon Islands. Which one did we forget?
a) Poland
b) Slovakia
c) Micronesia
d) did we already mention the Solomon Islands?
13. You're the governor of Texas. You've just found out through your diligent review of the file of a man about to be executed that he had dreadfully incompetent legal representation, and may have been railroaded. You would like to call the death chamber guard to commute his sentence to imprisonment, thereby allowing an opportunity for appeal, and the only available phone is a pay phone. You have only your IQ in change. Do you have enough to make the call?
a) Yes.
b) Whuh?
c) It's irrelevant. It's not as if I'm gonna know that phone number anyway.
d) Do I have enough to play the VLT?
14. A small group of East European terrorists kills several dozen people with a homemade bomb detonated in a NYC subway, in an attempt to coerce your government to cut off assistance to their government, which they say frustrates their efforts toward self-determination. Reputable humans rights organizations do feel the ethnic group they represent is severely persecuted in the country in question--this persecution involves torture, extrajudicial executions, forced relocation, and uncompensated appropriation of property. Which of the following is a sensible foreign policy response:
a) Demand from any and all foreign governments that any and all suspected conspirators against which you can find reasonable grounds for charges be extradicted to stand trial, and make a public statement to the effect that such measures are not the way to negotiate with yours or any government.
b) Do the above, speak to the grief of the victims, but speak publicly and sympathetically also to the question of the human rights violations committed by the foreign government in question, and suggest that, while it is now inappropriate for your government to get involved in such talks, you do hope a deal can be worked out between legitimate, non-violent representatives of the persecuted minority and their government.
c) Direct intelligence services to more aggressively infiltrate and/or investigate organizations believed to have been involved in the attack. Use available intelligence to notify border guards of potentially dangerous travelers.
d) Attack Iraq.
15. A small group of members of an apocalyptic Japanese cult detonates a device which spreads nerve gas through the NYC subway, killing several hundred people. Which of the following is the sensible response:
a) Demand from any and all foreign governments that any and all suspected conspirators against which you can find reasonable grounds for charges be extradicted to stand trial, and demand full cooperation from the Japanese government in aggressively investigating the involvement of the cult itself in this atrocity.
b) Do the above, and use intelligence sources to more aggressively investigate the cult. Put potentially dangerous travelers on a watch list, and notify border guards.
c) Arrest family members of Japanese persons vaguely associated with cult members, and hold them in an offshore compound for a year or so without charging them.
d) Attack Iraq.
Good luck. But no, we're not gonna actually read the answers. We're probably just gonna vote for the guy who says 'vote for me or the terrorists will get ya'. But thanks for coming out, anyway.
posted by AJM at 1:14 a.m. (Permanent Link)
